Common mechanisms which help to maintain our relationships are “partner-enhancement” and “positive illusions.” Both terms refer to the fact that we tend to see our romantic partners positively, sometimes unrealistically so (Morry et al., 2010; Conley et al., 2009). In both gay and lesbian as well as heterosexual couples, those who view their partners more positively also report more relationship satisfaction (Conley et al., 2009). How can we see our partners positively when we are in undesirable relationships? Research shows that we value the positive characteristics which our partners display more so than other characteristics (Fletcher et al., 2000). For example, if your partner is generous but not thoughtful, you might come to value generosity more than thoughtfulness over the course of your relationship. When our partners reveal negative characteristics, we may downgrade the importance of those characteristics and upgrade the importance of the positive traits our mates do possess (Fletcher et al., 2000).
2017-05-08