Often, we need something from our listener that we’re not even aware of needing. We’re trying to get the other person to make us feel heard, to give us the feeling that our experience is understood, that we are understood. We award the other person with the power to fulfill or deny us this primal craving, the most basic of all human longings. And because this longing to be heard is so deep and profound, so painful when it doesn’t happen, giving it away to our conversation partner creates a sense of stress and even desperation in us. Without knowing it, we render ourselves powerless in the fulfillment of one of our most basic needs.