5. Building a capacity to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty is key to change. Uncertainty is difficult to tolerate so we have a natural tendency to create stories that help us feel certain and feel safe. It’s important to realize that these narratives aren’t necessarily correct. Scarcity, fear, and vulnerability motivate us to find certainty, we may look to leaders whose messages make us feel certain and safe to satisfy our need. We can defend against our own pain by blaming and scapegoating others. Self-righteousness involves hostility, superiority and judgment—believing we’re better than others and using that belief to avoid our own pain and to justify the pain we cause others. Change can happen if we develop the capacity to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty. Allowing ourselves to feel our own pain and not know everything, keeping open to possibilities that we haven’t thought of yet, and being willing to risk having uncomfortable conversations are keys to creating change.