http://sobserver.ws/en/14_12_2016/local/15400/I-am-sick-of-being-sick-and-hurting-others!.htm
I am sick of feeling stuck with no way out! The catalyst for change came when I saw my excessive drinking, abusive behavior, infidelity, lack of motivation and depression for what it is – unfinished business. I sabotaged my marriage. I blamed other people for my inappropriate behavior. And all the time, it was me; and most of it was unnecessary.
I felt trapped in my marriage. I was miserable. So I pursued a single life to pursue goals that I believed I could not with my partner. I thought my problems would disappear in a second marriage but I just replicated the same behavior.
Upon reflection I see clearly that I sabotaged both marriages. I didn’t accept responsibility as a husband and a father to my children and blamed everyone else. Why? Because I was badly hurt as a kid and somehow I couldn’t let go of that pain and disappointment… and anger, so much anger that I felt I had to defend myself from getting hurt again.