I’ve felt alone for most of my life


Commonly people with eating disorders wear baggy clothing so people won’t notice them getting thinner – I didn’t. I wore as tight a clothing as possible so that I could at least appear normal to other people. What I didn’t know was that I didn’t appear normal to other people. My mother contacted the school and I was called into my head of year’s office where I was confronted about my weight loss.

Although other people began to notice, I saw no change in myself. I knew what I was doing wasn’t healthy but I always said I wouldn’t let myself become anorexic – I was in control. By the time my exams started my parents confronted me. They said that as soon as exams were over they would take me to the doctors. I battled through around 20 exams and received 10 GCSEs whilst living off no more than 50 calories a day. 3 days after my exams, I collapsed and fitted – twice. I attended clinics but I did not find them to be of any help. I felt that all the doctors were concerned about was getting me into hospital to be force fed.

What people forget is that an eating disorder, is a mental health disorder. It’s not about gaining or losing weight. It’s about how you feel about yourself, thinking you’re not good enough and wanting to change. There is no ‘anorexic’ or ‘mentally ill’ look, only anorexic or mentally ill behaviour. Mental illness does not discriminate, so neither should support.