Apologizing authentically is about taking responsibility for our actions, our impact, or our results, as an adult. This is called remorse — wishing we hadn’t done or said something, and taking actions to address and rectify the situation within ourselves, with others, or both.
Apologizing for who we are is often about us thinking or saying some version of, “I’m bad, it’s my fault, or don’t hate me,” as if we’re a child looking for validation or approval. This is a specific example of how shame shows up in our lives. And, no matter how much we might “apologize,” when it comes from this insatiable, shame-based place, we’re never able to shake the feeling of something being wrong with who we are.
The more we notice that we’re apologizing for who we are, the more opportunity we have to look deeper — acknowledge, feel and express our shame, and in the process begin to heal ourselves in a real way.