Grief is funny, you know? You desperately want it to go away, except for sometimes when you don’t want it to go away.
Over the course of time, it seems, love has gotten all mixed up with pain and grief. You realize your pain has become the expression of love lost; the way you honor your loved one; the one consistent link between life with them and life withoutthem; and an element of proof that their life left an indelible mark on those they leave behind.
Apparently, while you were wishing the pain of grief away, it turned into something else entirely. Maybe, in some ways, grief has even come to define you in the context of life after loss. Who are you if you are not someone grieving the loss of someone very special? And who are they if you are not here, in life, holding vigil for them?
If you are grappling with any of these thoughts or concerns, you are not the only one. These sorts of feelings come over many people and they might look a little something like this:
I feel okay today, this must mean I am forgetting my loved one!!
My suffering is a sign of how much my loved one meant to me. If I’m not suffering my love for them must be diminishing!
If I stop feeling the deep pain of grief it is a sign life can move on without my loved one and I just won’t let that be true.