Friday, September 22, 2017
Supporting Men > Uncategorized > Good news if you often feel rejected

Good news if you often feel rejected

Tips for the Rejection-Sensitive:

Consider whether the relationship is important to you or whether you’re simply caught up in needing approval from others.

If it’s the latter, shift your focus to being curious about what your feelings are about the other person.

Assume that person who seems distant, or hasn’t responded to your text or email, might be preoccupied.

Ask yourself what the evidence is that you are being rejected. Come up with at least two alternative explanations that could also explain it. Common ones to consider: the other person was distracted, unaware of or unable to consider your feelings, in a bad mood, feeling rejected or hurt by you, or caught up in his or her own world.

Get out of your head by taking action to reestablish a connection. Offer to do something for him or her, ask how she or he is doing, or comment that she or he seems, for example, unhappy, distracted, or like something is wrong. This is different than asking someone if they are mad at you or accusing them.

Practice mindful, nonjudgmental awareness of feelings such as anxiety, insecurity, and fear. Observe your feelings from a distance and allow them to pass through you without judgment. Remind yourself that feeling states are temporary when you don’t intensify them by being afraid of them, ruminating, acting on them, or trying to banish them.

Notice feelings in your body (where they live). Reduce the intensity of your visceral reaction by imagining your feelings with a barrier around them. Or imagine zooming out and making them smaller and smaller.